I genuinely couldn’t choose a title for this post. What can I call something that is going to try and attempt to sum up the last few months for me? How in one line can you sum up feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, fear, excitement, hopefulness, hopelessness, happiness, and loss?
Now before you all think I’ve lost the plot, and am suddenly a psycho and need locking up. I’m genuinely (and let me say this very clearly) absolutely okay. Yes, I’ve had my ups and downs again from going through this process that apparently is meant to be fair and just, otherwise known as life. But I am actually a very very happy girl. I have some wonderful jobs as a singing and dance teacher, and am currently looking to launch myself into the industry as a professional performer. With or without drama school is yet to be decided but I’ll make that decision as we go. I have a fantastic support system at home with my parents, sister and even the old hound, and I have now got the additional support of my wonderful boyfriend (yes you heard right). I still have my Stoke Youthers who are pretty much my second family so I am never far away from home at the moment because I am either auditioning, working, in rehearsal or sleeping!
But yes it’s been a hard start to 2014. I haven’t had the success I wanted, and in some cases felt I truly deserved with my auditions again. I’m still not entirely sure why, it may just be another case of being one of those people who it is going to take time for, or it’s a case of me not having been to the perfect school for me yet. I’m still waiting on some results, and have yet to audition at 6 of my schools so I’m still optimistic. I also have two university offers, from Exeter (unconditional!!) and Warwick (just got to provide proof of my BTEC) . Now don’t think I’ve gone absolutely off my rocker when I say I think I’m going to have to say a polite ‘thankyou, but no thankyou’. I can hear you now screeching ‘but they’re Russell Group, amazing Uni’s!’. Yes they are. I’m not denying that and I really am grateful for the chance considering I have no A Levels, and I am essentially a vocational student- but I’m certain I’m just meant to do something else with my life other that University. I can already see my Piano teacher’s reaction to that….. oh lord. It’s incredibly difficult second time round however to keep the optimism you have first time in your auditions going, and yes I’m a thousand times stronger as a person after the 16 auditions (or is it 17?!?!) I’ve done, and these auditions are barely affecting my emotions any more because it isn’t my whole life. I have managed to build some form of a life for myself already. Which is why I think it could be doable to enter this industry without further training. Yes okay, I ideally would like some (any schools reading this blog fancy taking on a student then feel free to contact me) but it’s not happening as of current and I’m not going to sit here and give up on my dream just because I didn’t get into a school. No thanks, I’ve got more guts then that. Please don’t think I’m looking down on these schools and what they can achieve because I’m honestly not, and I’d love to go. But it’s not going to be impossible for me to attempt this career with more training because I have already got a good background and training basis. I have got a brain on me, I am a fighter and I will get what I want.
I had a fantastic audition yesterday, which I would say has been my favourite so far, so I really do hope that one comes off for me because truly I could see myself there and I loved every second of my day- no specifics mentioned name wise until I know where I stand with everything just to stay professional but if you want to know just contact me!