You're Never Fully Dressed without a smile

Final Year Musical Theatre student, living a life full of laughter, smiles, and red lipstick...

When I think over this year…

I could never have guessed it would turn out this way. Last August, roughly around this time I remember crying picking up my uniform to my new workplace because I felt a failure, and that nothing and no one could satisfy me this year. I’d let everyone down. And yes I think this year may have been my most challenging yet, but now I think about it, I’d give the world to do it again. 

So I started this year working as a waitress, and as a dance teacher. I joined Stoke Youth (who without I would have never ever had a friendship group) and got to do Evita- the musical. Here I met Julian, who is my best friend, and fella. Without him I would be no where near this happy and my god am I thankful every day that I met him. Post this I got the lead role of Maria in The Sound of Music. This gave me countless performance experiences including other work with the director of the show. I auditioned again for drama school, which was heartbreaking, frustrating and confusing but in the end I got offers at Exeter and Warwick Uni, and then the MTA in London and PPA. I eventually chose PPA as the place to be for me, and am so excited to train there on the 3 year Diploma in Musical Theatre. I went on holiday with my family and boyfriend, to Spain which was incredible, and then to Rome on a girly trip which has always been a dream of mine. Yes this year has also been hugely challenging as well. My grandfather died in July, but I got to sing at his funeral, which was a hugely fulfilling thing to do - he never got to see me perform so this was the perfect way to honour his incredible life and show my father how I was there to support him when he needed me most. My dog has also been very ill on and off all year, and whilst she is stable now, her life has been turned for ever (bye bye haagen-dazs!) 

And now I’m three days from moving to Guildford. I float between excited and ready for it , to terrified and thinking that sitting on the sofa for life is the way forward. But this is my dream. I have one shot to impress the people I’m going to meet, and I’ve worked so hard for it. I am not going to screw this one up… 

So wish me luck! I hope you all have fulfilling years behind you and for those moving onto new chapters, here’s to the future! 


Decision Making time

Three weeks ago I thought I’d be planning my second year out of education. I was very very wrong…..

I’m incredibly pleased and proud to say that as well as gaining offers from The Universities of Warwick and Exeter, that I gained places on the 3 Year Diploma in Musical Theatre At PPA (Performance Preparation Academy) in Guildford, and the 2 year Intensive Diploma at MTA (Musical Theatre Academy) in Islington. And I have one more audition to go. 

This news to me was fantastic. A relief, excited, scared, nervous, confused tidal wave of emotion. I’ve worked for this for so incredibly long and I think finally I’m proving to people that I was right to hold out for a career in what I truly wanted. This news tells me I am trainable, and that there is a career out there for me and despite having to wait a bit longer to gain my places, I think they are the right offers for me. And that is the most important thing. This means I will soon be relocating, which I am actually sad about now it comes to it because … well.. it’s sad isn’t it leaving home and leaving your family and my beloved dog. But I’m definitely more ready to face leaving home this year than last. 

It’s been an intense, but amazing gap year and I would recommend everybody take one because it’s in this time that you learn who you are, how you cope and survive every day life. It’s been difficult, yes, its been lonely, yes, but more than anything I’ve learnt how I can deal with those situations which are bound to face me again in the future. You can’t get much better life preparation than being forced to live it. 

Now it’s decision time. And I really am proud of my places. Now I just need to follow my gut instinct to find the one I fit in at.


Title (Optional)

I genuinely couldn’t choose a title for this post. What can I call something that is going to try and attempt to sum up the last few months for me? How in one line can you sum up feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, fear, excitement, hopefulness, hopelessness, happiness, and loss?

Now before you all think I’ve lost the plot, and am suddenly a psycho and need locking up. I’m genuinely (and let me say this very clearly) absolutely okay. Yes, I’ve had my ups and downs again from going through this process that apparently is meant to be fair and just, otherwise known as life. But I am actually a very very happy girl. I have some wonderful jobs as a singing and dance teacher, and am currently looking to launch myself into the industry as a professional performer. With or without drama school is yet to be decided but I’ll make that decision as we go. I have a fantastic support system at home with my parents, sister and even the old hound, and I have now got the additional support of my wonderful boyfriend (yes you heard right). I still have my Stoke Youthers who are pretty much my second family so I am never far away from home at the moment because I am either auditioning, working, in rehearsal or sleeping!

But yes it’s been a hard start to 2014. I haven’t had the success I wanted, and in some cases felt I truly deserved with my auditions again. I’m still not entirely sure why, it may just be another case of being one of those people who it is going to take time for, or it’s a case of me not having been to the perfect school for me yet. I’m still waiting on some results, and have yet to audition at 6 of my schools so I’m still optimistic. I also have two university offers, from Exeter (unconditional!!) and Warwick (just got to provide proof of my BTEC) . Now don’t think I’ve gone absolutely off my rocker when I say I think I’m going to have to say a polite ‘thankyou, but no thankyou’. I can hear you now screeching ‘but they’re Russell Group, amazing Uni’s!’. Yes they are. I’m not denying that and I really am grateful for the chance considering I have no A Levels, and I am essentially a vocational student- but I’m certain I’m just meant to do something else with my life other that University. I can already see my Piano teacher’s reaction to that….. oh lord. It’s incredibly difficult second time round however to keep the optimism you have first time in your auditions going, and yes I’m a thousand times stronger as a person after the 16 auditions (or is it 17?!?!) I’ve done, and these auditions are barely affecting my emotions any more because it isn’t my whole life. I have managed to build some form of a life for myself already. Which is why I think it could be doable to enter this industry without further training. Yes okay, I ideally would like some (any schools reading this blog fancy taking on a student then feel free to contact me) but it’s not happening as of current and I’m not going to sit here and give up on my dream just because I didn’t get into a school. No thanks, I’ve got more guts then that. Please don’t think I’m looking down on these schools and what they can achieve because I’m honestly not, and I’d love to go. But it’s not going to be impossible for me to attempt this career with more training because I have already got a good background and training basis. I have got a brain on me, I am a fighter and I will get what I want.

I had a fantastic audition yesterday, which I would say has been my favourite so far, so I really do hope that one comes off for me because truly I could see myself there and I loved every second of my day- no specifics mentioned name wise until I know where I stand with everything just to stay professional but if you want to know just contact me!


Hello 12, hello 13…..

Hello 2014! ( any stagey fans out there will understand the reference to A Chorus Line ;) ) .So here we are, another year. And to be honest I was quite reluctant to be seeing the back of 2013. Okay the first half of the year was less than encouraging but from July onwards, my god did my life change for the better.
Put simply I grew up. I have the most wonderful job, as a dance teacher which I am so blessed to be able to do. To actually be able to say I’ve helped someone else improve in a field I’m so passionate about is just wonderful.
I learnt to live my life and do what I want to do, when I want to do it. If that meant hopping on a train to London, that’s what I did. I did dance classes, saw plays, concerts, musicals. I’ve been going out, socialising, reading more, enjoying a fabulous holiday with my ever incredible family. They’ve been so supportive through everything and it’s down to them I’m as strong as I am.
I joined Stoke Youth, which took me to perform in Evita, quite simply the best experience I’ve ever had on a stage. I have never worked with a more supportive company, where we all want the best for the show and each other. I could recall and list hundreds of memories from this show, that I never ever want to forget, but one is the opportunity I got to meet and work with Craig and Dave. They bought me back to life, made me ME again and for that I will always owe them. Stoke youth has given me countless laughs, and not only a whole new social group who I love, but a whole new family. I only hope I can do them proud and show them I was worth accepting, when I take on the role of Maria in The Sound of Music in March 2014.

2014, let’s see what you’ve got!

Genuinely the luckiest girl in the world

Currently Im in a run Of Evita. Words cannot explain how incredible this production is. The cast are simply out of this world, the direction and musical direction are stunning, and I am so so privileged to call Stoke Youth Musical Theatre Company my new family.

I have never ever felt more of a buzz onstage to last nights opening night. And it’s at that point that I realise how lucky I am that the theatre is something I can be involved in.

If you’d have said to me 2 months ago I’d be in a youth production and feeling happier than ever, I’d have said no way. Because I was thoroughly miserable, lost and destroyed. But Stoke Youth have bought my love for performance back. Instead of destroying me, they nurtured me and supported my development through the show. So much so that I have them to thank that I’m now stronger, happier and 20 times more confident then I was at the end of last year.

Thankyou thankyou thankyou god for making me make the right decision! Xx

This woman is absolute perfection

Happiness isn’t happiness without a violin playing goat

—Notting Hill

I like porridge

I never used to. Or rather, IthoughtI didn’t like porridge. Until last week I braved cooking some, as the winter weather drew in and now, well I’m addicted. But if you’re reading this thinking I’ve simply lost the plot and I’m about to rattle on for 800 words or so about the creaminess of rolled oats, mixed in with winter berries- please don’t switch off. I’m not going to bore you on the comparisons of oats.

No, but this analogy simply points out exactly how much things can change, or your views can be altered in seconds. On Tuesday I went back to my old high school. Two years on. And my god I’ve changed. Looking back over things that really would have bothered me two years ago, they were nothing, and I’ve dealt with so much more. Things pale into insignificance after a while. However, going back was like walking straight back into 2011. It’s like the school has been in a separate time zone for two years because the exact same things were still happening, and still there. My teachers pointed out how different I looked, but to me I will always still be the exact same person I was no matter what hair colour I have, or how much I weigh. I guess the only thing I feel is much older, and (cheesy cliche pardoned) wiser.

Times change things. And you outgrow situations. 100 percent I used to feel high school were the worst years of my life, but truth be told they weren’t. I was one of the lucky ones. I wasn’t popular, or conventionally pretty, or cool. But I was lucky because I knew who I was at an early point and I never had to hide that or fight that. How many people are fortunate enough to be able to say that?

Not many.


Don’t believe in the word ‘no’…


Right place at the right time

There’s a tendency to always look back on the past in every day life. But why should you do that when everything that will make you a better person is in the future?

For the first time in a while I finally feel like I’m in the right place at the right time. I’m not chasing to catch up, depressed because I’m not moving forward fast enough, confused and conflicted on life and what to do. I know exactly, for sure, 100% what I want. I’m working two jobs, one that helps me in my career, the other giving me enough money to progress with my career. I’m part of a great show, with a great company and crew, and I’m working hard to make me a better, more mature and independent person. What could better?

I feel finally like I’m not living an out of body experience. How weird is that?